JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
