We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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