I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
