She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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