Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
