Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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