So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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