i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
