He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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