I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
