my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
