i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
