bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
