Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
