ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
