bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
