sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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