Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
