you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
