I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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