You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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