Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
