We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
