there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
