dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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