After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
