How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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