i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
