Sponge bath it is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
