We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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