If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
