I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
