having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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