you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
