did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
