bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
