You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
