Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
