How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
