In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
