My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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