This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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