I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
