Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
