Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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