Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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