New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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