is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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