Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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