I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
