I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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